31 December 2022

The Confession

An account of memories from not so distant past from his point of view.

Traces of their fragmented soul were scattered across this city. Some places spoke of painful memories, some other of loss and despair, of loneliness and its manifestations.

When he met her the first time he was a broken man beyond repair. Nothing in this world would penetrate the stone he had become. There were almost no love nor warmth to be found inside his rotten soul.

Another time, it was her. She was crumbling down before his eyes. He witnessed the fruition of failure rooted from her youth foolishness. She was broken, injured, crushed to the ground.

Two broken selves walked their own paths on earth, wandering with hollowed soul. Mistakes after mistakes burried them deeper and dried their heart each day, until their paths met very smoothly.

She shared her painful stories to him, she revealed her bruises and scars. He saw his own wounds in her, her pain resonated his own, and the vibration carved out a small crack on the petrified soul of his, through which he revealed the resembling bruises and scars to her.

They faced their past and painful memories through each other.


Traces of their adoration towards each other are scattered across this city. Theirs were adoration without identity, without being labelled, and without ownership. Both of them have never believed in owning a person in the name of love anyway.

The beginning was not easy to be defined. It could be the talk in a small park. Or it could be the one at a canteen nearby. It could be the long night at her place or it could be that one faithful night at his place where he kissed and touched her the first time.

The first encounter of revelation developed into the next and after, each revealed some more details of their life, each allowed them to understand each other a little more, each healed small bits of their soul. He grew yearning of her, and so did she and it was not long until the yearning turned into desire and crave.

From her place, to his, back and forth, each space within marked with their many forms of encounters. They gave new meaning and memory to the places in this city. They redefined their memory of the city.

As months went by, other cities became part of their story. Along and across rivers and waterfalls, paddled far and easy on water, between buildings and alleyways, through the park and forest, hill and valley, on trails, roads, and rails, majestic places as well as slums.

As months went by, their conversations turned into long night talk, slow dance, and habit of sunset watching. They enjoyed the presence of each other dearly. They walked and strolled, many times without any destination. They embraced, kissed, and explored each other. They held hands, they made love a lot, and almost always they reached the highest intensity of the act together, gasping and calling and moaning.


Traces of their stories are scattered across this city. Their chain of stories were trailing almost one and a half year. But as any other story has an end, as lovely and sweet as it may be, so did theirs.

It was his failure. She revealed her vulnerability to him, but his stone was too thick to penetrate. He was such a cursed stone, he was such a coward. He didn’t embrace her feeling the first time it bloomed. He was such an ignorant, he asked her to kill it. And so how it was, he gave no reason for her to dismiss attention from another, he gave no reason for her to see their future together for any longer.

Between the rainy days and nights of the last month of the year, in the middle of the night, they were sitting on her bed, ready to go to sleep. He was about to read her a letter of confession as he promised earlier, and it went:

"Do you remember a sunny afternoon, early on our journey, we laid together and we talked about what we were having. I told you it's like two paths of life that momentarily cross each other.

Probably it was momentary indeed. But it was a period that I will never forget and I will always cherish. As momentary as it may be, it was one of the time that shaped my adult life.

A time from August 2021 to December 2022 was the happiest moment of my life lately. I have never been that content and lively for a long time. And the reason was you. You brought warmth and joy to the stone cold soul that I used to be.

For years, I have never felt what I feel with you: connection, care, depth, affection, and intimacy of the presence, talk, touch, even taste. It's all an otherworldy experience for me. For a period, you singlehandedly made this damaged man undamaged.

You added more meaning to be alive, you remind me the meaning of living and loving. I will always be grateful for your presence in my life. And I hope that I brought a little goodness to yours as well.

Please forgive me if during our journey you ever felt wronged. Please know that I never and will never meant to do you any harm. Forgive me for I'm too late to realize, I didn't grasp and embrace your feeling. I humbly plead for understanding that this man nevertheless have not finished learning to be wiser.

For the journey ahead of us, whatever and wherever the future will take us, separated or together, with all my heart I wish you joy, affection, love, and a good life to live. Until the end of my life I will remember you and our time together with fondness.

Please never forget that you are a wonderful wonderful person. Please never cease to thrive.

With love."

They went under the blanket, they blew a few kisses, they embraced each other tightly the whole night. It was years away since the last time he felt the same intensity of tormenting fear. But he was too late.

In the morning, before the sun even rose, they made love, and reached the gasping and calling and moaning together once again.


This city is filled with memories from not so distant past. There were once hand to be held along the way, now there’s none. They were once home for each other, now they are homeless. The city turns into a mausoleum of their love.

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